Okay, everyone, just calm down. That advice comes straight from former Full House star Candace Cameron Bure, who knows darn well a lot of us are going to freak when we hear just what it is that she claims has made her 17-year marriage to NHL player Valeri Bure work for them. You'll have to disregard everything your bra-burning moms and grannies taught you because Candace's secret involves taking on a submissive role in her relationship and letting Val make all final decisions -- even at the "detriment" of her family (her words, not mine). But before you judge D.J. Tanner too harshly -- the actress, author, and mother of three makes some really solid points.
As a Christian, Candace uses the word "submissive" the way she says it is interpreted in the Bible. In other words, she believes in being meek and practicing "strength under control," but lets her husband lead their family because, as a natural-born "leader," that's the position that makes him feel most comfortable. She says she isn't a passive person, voices her opinion often, and is able to sway her husband to do what she thinks is best simply because he values her opinion.
But look guys, at the end of the day, if Val feels strongly about something, whether Candace thinks it's right or wrong, her hubby is going to win that battle. Candace does not hide this fact and seems to be totally fine with it.
Whatever your opinion, the roles Candace and Val have selected for themselves within their marriage work for them. I think we take for granted how important it is in a relationship to "give in" at times, even if we feel we are 100 percent right. I'm not referring to those instances when we're debating "big issues," like whether to have your child vaccinated or baptized. Then, by all means, you must stick to your guns until you can reach a compromise or you'll feel like your partnership isn't equal and you aren't being heard or respected.
But if you're going to dig your heels in the ground every time your husband insists on fixing the toilet instead of calling a plumber -- well, good luck with that.
Personally, I couldn't follow my husband's lead as much as Cam feels comfortable doing in her marriage. I think my husband and I both like how I take control of our finances and keep on top of our paperwork and I know I love how he's willing to take charge when it comes to dealing with home repairs and making important phone calls. Our relationship works best for uswhen we lead at times and follow at other times.
But no one but Cameron and Val can say if this arrangement works for them. And I have to admit I admire her ability to put her ego aside for the sake of raising a happy and strong family.
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